Attachment trauma occurs when there is a rupture between the connection of child and caregiver. The rupture can be caused by some form of abuse, if the caregiver has a mental health struggle that limits connection with the child, or if the infant and caregiver experience socioeconomic struggles. Attachment trauma can cause the child to struggle with developing relationships, regulating their emotions, and affect their ability to make decisions.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the emotional bond created between a child and their primary caregiver. The attachment with the caregiver lays the foundation for the child's relationship with themselves and with others. John Bowlby described attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness” (Bowlby, 1969).

What are the Different Types of Attachment

There are 4 main attachment styles that describe how one interacts within relationships and how they connect with others. Below I have shared insight into what each looks like:

What is Secure Attachment?

Secure Attachment is when a caregiver is consistently nurturing and responsive, allowing the child to feel safe exploring their environment knowing they can rely on the support person to be there for them when they need it. This connection lays the foundation for future healthy relationships, emotional resilience, and confidence. As an adult, this can look like being able to be vulnerable with trusted people, openly communicating needs and boundaries, and feeling comfortable holding space for others emotions.

What is Insecure-Avoidant Attachment?

Avoidant attachment occurs when a caregiver is dismissive and unreliable. The caregiver may be emotionally unavailable, hindering the child’s ability to understand others' emotions and learn to express and manage their own. If the caregiver is dismissive or uncomfortable with emotions, the child learns that it is not safe to be vulnerable or express themselves. As adults, this can lead them to avoiding connection and close intimacy by keeping others at arm's length. They may even sabotage relationships if they feel an emotional attachment is being formed.

What is Insecure-Anxious Attachment?

Anxious attachment occurs when caregivers are inconsistent in their responsiveness. Children become preoccupied with their caregivers' availability, leading to clinginess and anxiety. If a caregiver is conditional with their attention or affection, the child learns that receiving connection is based on their behavior and what they can offer. In adulthood, this manifests as a fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance, often resulting in overly dependent relationships and heightened emotional sensitivity.

What is Disorganized Attachment?

Disorganized attachment is caused when a caretaker becomes a source of comfort and fear. This is a very confusing experience for a developing mind. The child wants to have the connection and support, however struggles with the internal awareness that the person available and offering that is also often the abuser or emotionally unavailable. Even if they aren’t able to put words to why they feel unsafe, their nervous system is aware.

It can feel like a tug-a-war between the heart wanting affection and connection and the brain wanting to protect and put up barriers. As adults, they may exhibit erratic behavior in relationships, struggle with self-regulation, and have difficulty trusting others, often oscillating between fear and dependency.

Do Infants Remember Early Attachment Trauma?

While infants may not have conscious memories of early attachment trauma, they can be deeply affected by what is called preverbal trauma. This type of trauma occurs before a child can articulate experiences and is stored in the body and brain, influencing emotional responses and behavior patterns later in life. As Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, "trauma is stored in the body, in the tissues, and in the nervous system" (van der Kolk, 2014). Infants are constantly observing and taking in their environment and are highly sensitive to anything that feels unsafe or like a potential threat.

If an infant experiences ongoing stress responses because of their environment, their body adapts to what feels like a very unsafe world. This Preverbal trauma can result in heightened stress responses, difficulty in emotional regulation, and challenges in forming secure attachments. These early experiences shape neural pathways and can lead to issues such as anxiety, trust problems, and difficulty with intimacy. Early intervention and supportive relationships are crucial in mitigating the long-term impacts of early attachment trauma.

7 Signs You Experienced Attachment Trauma

Attachment trauma can interfere with one’s ability to make and maintain healthy connections and can lead to increased anxiety and isolation. Recognizing the signs of attachment wounds can be a crucial first step in understanding and healing. Here are a few common signs to look out for:

1. Difficulty Trusting Others

   Struggling to trust others is deeply rooted in experiencing attachment injuries. This stems from learning early on that the people we expect to consistently show up for us, don’t.

2. Fear of Abandonment

   Fear of abandonment is a common sign of attachment wounds. When in relationships or working to make new connections, the person is plagued with worries that they will be left or rejected. This can lead to clingy behavior and an urge to seek out constant reassurance.

3. Emotional Dysregulation

   Managing emotions can be challenging after a childhood of inconsistent caregiving. Constantly feeling anxious about predicting a caregiver’s moods or seeking validation leaves the nervous system overwhelmed. This difficulty also stems from not having been shown how to effectively express and manage emotions. As a result, you might become easily overwhelmed by your emotions, have sudden outbursts of anger, or experience prolonged periods of sadness and anxiety.

4. Challenges With Intimacy

   Being vulnerable and emotionally close to others can feel unsafe after a childhood of attachment injuries. It might feel hard to trust anyone, assuming everyone is going to disappoint you or leave you. This fear of intimacy keeps relationships superficial.

5. Low Self Esteem

   Early experiences of neglect or emotional unavailability from caregivers can lead to internalized beliefs that you are not lovable or deserving of care, affecting your self-esteem and self-worth.

6. Hypervigilance

   Feeling constantly alert and on edge is a common symptom of attachment trauma, manifesting as a restless anticipation of something going wrong. This hypervigilance stems from frequent stressors experienced during childhood. It significantly impacts a person's ability to be present and fully enjoy life, as most of their energy is spent preparing for an imminent threat.

7. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

   Struggling to set or maintain healthy boundaries can indicate attachment trauma. You might find it hard to say no, feel guilty for asserting your needs, or allow others to overstep your personal limits. This often stems from early relationships where your boundaries were not respected or acknowledged.

Healing and Moving Forward

Recognizing these signs is the first step toward healing. If you resonate with any of these indicators, it may be beneficial to seek support from a therapist specialized in attachment trauma. Healing involves building secure relationships, learning to trust, and developing healthy coping mechanisms. With time and support, it's possible to overcome the impacts of attachment trauma and lead a fulfilling life.

To learn more about how attachment wounds impact relationships and how to change these behaviors, explore my blog on the Trauma Triangle. Understanding these dynamics can further aid in your healing journey and help you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. If you're seeking support, consider finding an EMDR therapist near you to guide you through this process.

References:

• Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.

• Van Der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.